What a great day!

So, Kelly and I have been a bit quiet as of late. There are few reasons for that, but the main reason is that we were in the midst of a couple possibilities and with waiting for those possibilities to materialize we really had nothing to post about that was tangible.

Yesterday was my birthday and I had a really great day. A really, really great day. I think that I would have had a great day even if it was not my birthday. Why is that? you might ask. Well, you know how Kelly and I are there is a story in it!

I remember a story from when I was a kid written by Aesop. The Crow and the pitcher is as follows:

"A Crow, half-dead with thirst, came upon a Pitcher which had once been full of water; but when the Crow put its beak into the mouth of the Pitcher he found that only very little water was left in it, and that he could not reach far enough down to get at it. He tried, and he tried, but at last had to give up in despair. Then a thought came to him, and he took a pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into
the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. At last, at last, he saw the water mount up near him, and after casting in a few more pebbles he was able to quench his thirst and save his life."

The story really speaks to how I came to having a great day. In my life I was feeling like the parched Crow and I really needed that water. As in the story, little by little the water was brought up from the bottom of the pitcher, I have had pebbles or joys in this case that have added up to the greater whole of a really great day. I have been spending more time in the word as late and that in it self can bring about a positive shift in spirit. Also, I recently came out of a songwriting funk that I had been in since last fall and I have been reclaiming somethings that I had allowed others to take control of in my life.

These things along with what has been happening in the adopting process for Kelly and I have lead to the perfect storm of joy in my life. I feel more at ease, more in self control and for that matter more human. Kelly and I were playing a waiting game of sorts. When looking at adopting as we are the decision is not ours as to the placement. The decision rests with the birth mother as to whom she will place with. Now, after a season of waiting, Kelly and I have been picked.

Our birth mother, Kristin, is due in November and, as yet we are not aware the sex of the baby. That will be a future post (A very near future post!).

I know that finding out I am going to be a dad in a few short month is a pretty large pebble to be tossed in my pitcher; however I still want to encourage all of you that all that it takes to experience that kind of progressive joy is to reach out and take hold of the pebbles that are being given freely from the King of all pebbles, Jesus. I have!

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" Matthew 7:7

Overwhelmed but Hanging On!

Hello from beneath the ever-mounting pile of paperwork.

Every time I send off another packet of impossibly invasive and personal questionnaires, another appears within days in my mailbox.

I love the agency we are using, Journeys of the Heart, but I am beginning to feel like they are trying to drown us in paper.

We were required to take a 2 day adoption class in Portland a couple of weekends ago. Can I just say wow. So much information was crammed into a very short amount of time. We were given hand out after hand out regarding everything from Oregon Law on adoption to a reading list of required books, to the correct language to use regarding adoption. I know. Just writing that out was overwhelming.

We have another couple of classes we still have to attend. Infant CPR & another on "Bringing Baby Home". Did I mention the list of books we are required to read too? I think there are 4-5 very thick, very educationally-looking books.

All of this is to try and "prepare" us for our little bundle of joy!

All I feel right now is overwhelmed and frustrated.
But that is okay. Because I am also hanging on.

Hanging on to the fact that very soon I will be a mom.
Hanging on to the fact that very soon my husband will be receiving a "Best Dad" mug.
Hanging on to the fact that our new-to-us van that Jeremy keeps washing & vacuuming out will have caked on juice stains & petrified french fries stuck in the seats.
Hanging on to the fact that there will be sleep deprived nights & spit up stains & sore feet from stepping on legos in the middle of the night.

That is what keeps me sharpening my pencils & diving back into the overwhelming stack of paperwork.

Because someday, someday hopefully very soon, this will all be worth it.

So if you see me with my arm in a sling, no worries, I'm just resting it up for the next trip to the mailbox!

Blessings- Kelly

Paperwork, finance, a van and more...

Ok so it has finally sunk in. I am going to be a dad.

Kelly and I are on the road to adoption, but we are not far enough along to have any idea what child God is bringing into our lives. I just know that I am going to be a dad. Is it the litany of paperwork that we have filled out or yet to have filled out? No. Is it the strong desire that Kelly and I have for children? No, but that does help. No it is something much more primal, much more definitive that is driving my assurance of being a father. Kelly and I just purchased a VAN!

Most men shy away from this foreboding omen of the chaos to come, yet I am staring into the storm with a smile on my face reminiscent of Bruce Campbell.

"I will be a dad and you cannot intimidate me!" I say to the van and the storm, "Though you steal my coolness, though you break my lead footed, sports car dreams, and though you lure me in with your promises of leather seats, top of the line stereo, and child distracting DVD dreams, I will prevail. I will garner the much anticipated title of DAD!!!! You will not win in the end!"

I know this is overly dramatic, but well....

I will proudly step into this van if only to have the possibility of family road trips, slobbery kisses and drinking coffee from the much earned, "Greatest Dad in the World" mug.

Kelly and I are very thankful for all of your prayers and support of this endeavor. We are in the midst of planning for a concert benefit thingy and we will be inviting all of you to come and celebrate this process with us.

A few bits of housekeeping to pass on to you. Thank you for those that have decided to help in supporting us in our adoption. You need to know that we greatly appreciate it and know that we cannot do this with out you. If you are thinking about supporting us we have a few things to let you know. This is not a ministry or nonprofit so you will not be able to claim it on your taxes. If you are looking at whether you should tithe or give to our effort, I want to say emphatically TITHE!. That is God's money and we do not want it, God will provide. If you have given your tithe and you are looking to give an offering to a ministry like helping Luke Valenti in Albania or Matt & Sarah as they go to Nicaragua or helping with our adoption. I would say choose the missions first. Now if you have done all that and still feel strongly that you are to help the Walker''s to save a life, than we will gladly take you up on your offer!

We have the donate button in the upper right to help expedite your support, but if PayPal and electronic donations are not your thing, than you can go into any US Bank and ask to donate to "The Walker Adoption" or under Kelly Walker and they can help you get your funds to the right place. We have asked a trusted friend to be the administrator for the account so that what ever goes into the account will be used for the adoption process so that everything is above board.

We are finished with our initial paperwork and it is amazing how the paperwork keeps multiplying! Next we are going to our adoption class the 19th and 20th. This was a surprise. We got a call that we had the choice of this class or the next one FOUR MONTHS AWAY! We chose this one for the obvious reason that we are not wanting to wait that long! Being that the class is taking place on a Sunday and that is my biggest work day, I had to find someone to fill in at short notice. Thankfully a great friend was available to jump in so Kelly and I could run to Portland! Thank you again Rhonda!

Thank you God for your blessings and this new stage in our life. Thank you Jesus also for great friends that have been encouraging this journey! Amen!

P.S. Yes I will tame the van with a branding of our own bumper stickers!!!

Jeremy

Time to wait

Who knew there was a right way and a wrong way to wait?
I didn't. I thought if you were waiting then you were, well, just waiting.
But I learned something pretty cool tonight, so I thought I would share.

In Isaiah 40:31 it says: "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

In Beth Moore's bible study on Esther, she points out that there is more than one way to wait. If we are waiting on something, or someone, or some event, then waiting can be exhausting. It can be painful. It can wear you out.

But if we wait the way we are supposed to wait...on the Lord, then we are renewed, strengthened, and transformed!

So thinking about that in context with this whole adoption thing really made me pause. I mean we have been waiting a loooooooonnnnnnngggggg time. But have I been waiting the right way?

I definitely have those times where I am impatient for this to just be over and to have children. I want to skip straight to the end and be done with it all. I don't want to have to fill out ANY more paperwork, questionnaires, or informational packets. Just give me my baby, thank you very much.
But there have also been those times of self-discovery in this process. Times of examining my heart and motives, my priorities and my beliefs. Those times have been extraordinary.

I have heard so many times by well-meaning people that it "may just not be God's timing yet" for us to have kids. Well let me tell you that my response to that phrase has not always been kind. Why is God having me wait? What did I do to have to wait while everyone around me is having kids? Why?

So back to Isaiah. If I choose to wait upon the Lord, not upon the arrival of our baby, then I will be strengthened as I wait. Its a choice I have to make. I can be frustrated and outraged that I have to wait. I can complain and pout as I am waiting.

OR....

or I can enjoy this time I have been given with my husband. Enjoy traveling at a moments notice. Enjoy doing what I want to do when I want to do it. If I choose to trust and WAIT on the Lord, I guess that means I won't be too exhausted when He finally does give us our baby. He wants me to be rested and ready to welcome the chaos that will come with this new addition. He doesn't want me so tired from waiting that I miss out on all He has for me.

So I choose to wait.
I choose to wait with a smile on my face.

And I guess with all this waiting, it gives me more time to eat my vegetables too!

Blessings- Kelly

My happy place

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Cereal vs. Vegetables

Okay so I love cereal.
No, I mean I really love cereal. Like if Jeremy would let me, I would eat cereal for almost every meal. I love cereal.

Now opposite of that is vegetables. I loathe them. I despise them. I question why God had to create them. I hate vegetables.

So a few years ago Jer & I are having dinner & he realizes that I never eat my vegetables. Like never. He gives me all the usual arguments as to why I should eat them: they are good for your eyesight, they give you healthy nutrients, blah, blah, blah. Then he gets really sneaky. He says, "how can we encourage our kids to be healthy eaters if their mom won't eat her vegetables." Yeah, like I said sneaky. I mean how can I argue with that logic. Of course I would want my kids to be healthy eaters. I know how important that is. But seriously, its just not fair.

So fast forward to now, and I am taking stock of my life as we get ready for this HUGE adjustment that is about to happen. (you know, adopting) So I'm cleaning out closets & rearranging stuff & just really trying to comprehend what is important & whats not when it hits me!!!!! I am going to have to start eating vegetables!

Now I know some of you may be rolling your eyes at how trivial this all seems. I mean really, I am a grown woman & I should just suck it up. But hey, again, I hate vegetables.

So it got me thinking about other stuff. I mean Jer and I have been married for over 13 years, and in that time we have become pretty set in our ways. We have a routine. Things happen in a certain way around our house. I mean our dog and cat occasionally get in the way, but not too much. And now we are going to throw a tiny bundle of joy into the mix. I have been around kids a lot growing up, been around our friends with kids lately to know that babies change EVERYTHING! And here we are actively pursuing chaos & change. Are we crazy???? Well, yeah, but hey you knew that already right?! But seriously, we are inviting change into our home. This kinda freaks me out. But as I reflect on all of this, I've realized something pretty profound. I am ready for it. I mean as ready as you can be for this kinda thing. But I'm looking forward to the changes this baby will bring into our lives. Even if I don't quite comprehend how that will look, I am excited. Really excited.

So I guess what I am saying is this: yeah I love cereal, I love how my life has been, I love the freedom that Jer and I have had.
But I am ready for the vegetables. The unknowns that this child will bring into my life. The crazy, chaotic moments of why.
I'm ready. Or at least attempting to be.But as in everything, its a process.
So thanks for listening.
And if you happen to see me in the next couple of months, ask me about my vegetables.

blessings- Kelly

Overflow...

I have been chewing on 1 Thessalonians 3:12-13, which is the theme verse for the young adult ministry that Kelly and I lead here in Redmond. The text is: May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for every one else, just as ours does for you. May He strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all His holy ones.

I prayed that God would give the young adults a verse that we could all rally around, while God built this ministry. I prayed that God's love would "overflow" from us to others and yet I realized on Sunday that I forgot one aspect of this. I needed to be prepared and prepare our group for those times when God's Love was poured out ON us from someone else.

Kelly and I launched this blog late Saturday early Sunday as a step of faith that we were going to move forward and let God provide the way.

Well, we were truly blessed beyond our expectations. When we returned from church Sunday afternoon I decided to check our facebook posts. Kelly and I have been really blessed by your well wishes and how many of you posted our blog on your profiles. Thank you, again thank you.

Well God has a way of hitting you with a one two punch. I also looked at my email and was surprised to find an email notification from our 'Donate' button's PayPal account telling us that we had our first donation from a very dear friend for $500.00. Little did did this person know that we were looking at sending off our application and the first fee of $300.00. We also have a few other fees for fingerprinting and alike that are now covered thanks to our friend.

So now I need to share with our young adults that we are praying that our love would 'overflow' on to others, but also that there is something really tangible in accepting that love when it 'overflows' from other.

Thank you for helping Kelly and I live out our "Fearless Dream"

Jeremy

Not a perfect sunset

So Jeremy & I were blessed to get to go to Hawaii last summer with my family. We stayed in a condo with my parents, my brother & 8 year old nephew in Kona. We had the best family vacation ever! We played in the surf, swam with sea turtles & manta rays, saw an active volcano, ate and laughed a lot!

Jer & I also celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary! Well we had planned to renew our vows the last night we were there on a beach at sunset. So we picked out a gorgeous beach and kicked off our flip flops and sat & waited until the sun started to set. As we sat there we reminisced about the last 13 years of our marriage & our various adventures, struggles & successes. We talked about what the next 13 years could look like & dreamed a little. Just as the sun was getting low in the sky, we noticed a dinner cruise ship making its way out into the ocean. We joked about never getting to experience Hawaii that way, since I get really sea sick! Just as the sun was almost at that perfect spot over the ocean where the whole sky turns shades of pinks and oranges, we realized that our "perfect sunset" was about to be ruined! Yep, the dinner boat happened to stop right in front of the sun as it gently slipped into the water. We were so caught up in the stupid boat getting in the way that we totally forgot to say our vows! As soon as the sun was gone, the little boat started its way back to shore. As we sat there laughing at our not-so-perfect-sunset, we realized that the best laid plans don't always turn out as expected. We still enjoyed Hawaii, we still sat on a fantastic beach and we still watched a beautiful sun set.

Its the same in life.

Jer & I got married and just figured that after a few years we would start our family. Well a few years went by, and then a few more. We went to doctors, we read books & did our own research. We took everyone's advice, we tried every old-wives tale we could think of, and ye,t no success. We started the adoption process more than once, went back to more doctors & took more tests just to find out that medically speaking, there was no reason we couldn't get pregnant. So there we were, trying to enjoy our sunset (starting a family) when a boat comes along & gets in the way of our plans.

So here we are, adjusting to life. Not as we planned, expected or even hoped for.

We believe we have been called to be parents. So here is our plan: we are shifting our blanket on the beach of life as to not miss the next sunset. This time around, we will not miss that perfect moment that we know God has for us.

blessings- Kelly

Bumper stickers....

So, I was driving to the store the other night and I just happened to pull up behind this Ford Expedition with various bumper stickers on the back. I started to read the display that this faceless, nameless person had so painstakingly placed for all to see. There was an "apple" sticker placed right in the middle of the widow to identify themselves with every thing trendy and hip. Off to the drivers side there was a sticker "Dutch mafia" to show there obvious obsession with the caffeine laced delights from our local Dutch Brothers Coffee. Also, a sticker with an anecdotal reference or joke that I reallycan't remember. There was even a trailer hitch cover with a bright yellow "O" in a green field to show their support for the Oregon Ducks. This was a way for this person to make their Ford Expedition unique to other Ford Expeditions. This is a way for this nameless, faceless person to reveal to the world the labels that they feel describe some part of who they are or who they would like to be. Like saying, "I'm different, I matter, and what I think and feel really matters".

I want to label myself. In the moment that I reviewed this other persons stickers on their vehicle I realized that I wanted to be labeled and stickered up for who I was. Maybe a sticker from a favorite guitar company, one that identified the great town I live, one to share my love of spending time with family, another for my PS3, and still another for the Food network that I like to watch for ideas. "This is who I am" I would say as I stepped back with pride to look at my vehicle, but I would find that this picture was not complete without the label that my wife and I would so desperately want to share with the world. Forget labeling our car, I want to shout it, cry it, and tell everyone (Whether I know them or not). That label is "Parent". Such an ominous two syllable word.

My wife and I met 15 years ago, last November. We met in a college course that the two of us were taking. We were engaged three months later and the rest was history as they say. The deal is that the rest was not really just history. We really loved each other and still do. At the time when we were early engaged we spent a great deal of time talking about the family that wanted to have. We both would talk for hours about the two to four kids that we wanted and we would bandy about the newest names that we liked and amend our previous amount of kids that we wanted, all dependent on whether or not we had spent any time with a toddler in the last week. The years have really flown by as we made many a great memory. Still, we have felt and empty slot in our life waiting to be fulfilled.

Kelly and I love movies, spending time together and with others. We love God and have run to him with our 'baby' desires many, many, many times. We love our family, those near to us and those far. We love all of the children in our lives, even though they are not ours. We just have that love in our hearts reserved for our children that has yet to be given.

For years we have helped, in the churches that we have attended, with youth events and children's classes. We would say that if God had instilled in us a love and a desire to raise children, then why not help in raising this generation while we wait. And that is just what we did. Waited.

Time has a way of erasing or etching deeper those things that we may want. Our desire to be parents has not been erased. It has not vanished in spite of the almost 14 years of marriage. The pain of hearing the same advice (ie "if you just adopt you'll get pregnant", "You just need to calm down about getting pregnant and you'll get pregnant", "You know God just told me that you are going to get pregnant this year" and many more) has not diminished our fervor for parenting and in fact has only made it more pressing and also more painful. The advice has been the hardest to bear. The advice and the stories. The messages that we hear at church 95% of the stories and messages center around children and parenting.

Pain does not negate passion. Some of the greatest atheletes, musicians, artists, and alike perform through the pain. In fact some of the best say that it was because of their pain that they overcame this adversity to become the very best. This is our hope as we move toward parenting.

Kelly and I have prayerfully considered and are now on the path toward adoption. We are sharing with all of you so that you can go along with us on this journey to save a life. This journey has to potential to change the landscape of life for not just Kelly and I, but for everyone that we come in contact with and, if you know us at all, that idea really appeals to us. If God can use our story to inspire, comfort, or challenge then we are more than willing to share. We want to be parents and if you get something out of our story then all the better.

Here is the catch, as we have been praying for God's direction and His grace, we have come to the realization (duh) that we can not do this on our own. Being a pastor and musician, I know that I am never really going to make a lot of money and Kelly and I have been OK with that. We are still paying on old medical bills and my student loans (that we will have for years), but even with all of that I know and trust and really believe that God will make a way for Kelly and I to save a life through adoption. So here is where you and others will come in. If you are reading this then in some way you are already involved, but here are all the areas that we are going to need help:

1. Prayer (This is not a trite request, we need your prayers)
2. Attending future fundraiser events
3. Inviting friends and family to read this blog and attend events
4. Praying as to how you may help this effort to save this life.
5. Funding the effort (This effort can cost upwards of $30,000- $40,000)
   
6. Encourage us while we walk through this.

Kelly and I will be sharing more about ourselves and our story over the next year as we walk this path. Please, if nothing else, come along with us and prayer for God's timing, God's plan and for the children that God will bring into our lives.

Jeremy