Overwhelmed but Hanging On!

Hello from beneath the ever-mounting pile of paperwork.

Every time I send off another packet of impossibly invasive and personal questionnaires, another appears within days in my mailbox.

I love the agency we are using, Journeys of the Heart, but I am beginning to feel like they are trying to drown us in paper.

We were required to take a 2 day adoption class in Portland a couple of weekends ago. Can I just say wow. So much information was crammed into a very short amount of time. We were given hand out after hand out regarding everything from Oregon Law on adoption to a reading list of required books, to the correct language to use regarding adoption. I know. Just writing that out was overwhelming.

We have another couple of classes we still have to attend. Infant CPR & another on "Bringing Baby Home". Did I mention the list of books we are required to read too? I think there are 4-5 very thick, very educationally-looking books.

All of this is to try and "prepare" us for our little bundle of joy!

All I feel right now is overwhelmed and frustrated.
But that is okay. Because I am also hanging on.

Hanging on to the fact that very soon I will be a mom.
Hanging on to the fact that very soon my husband will be receiving a "Best Dad" mug.
Hanging on to the fact that our new-to-us van that Jeremy keeps washing & vacuuming out will have caked on juice stains & petrified french fries stuck in the seats.
Hanging on to the fact that there will be sleep deprived nights & spit up stains & sore feet from stepping on legos in the middle of the night.

That is what keeps me sharpening my pencils & diving back into the overwhelming stack of paperwork.

Because someday, someday hopefully very soon, this will all be worth it.

So if you see me with my arm in a sling, no worries, I'm just resting it up for the next trip to the mailbox!

Blessings- Kelly

Paperwork, finance, a van and more...

Ok so it has finally sunk in. I am going to be a dad.

Kelly and I are on the road to adoption, but we are not far enough along to have any idea what child God is bringing into our lives. I just know that I am going to be a dad. Is it the litany of paperwork that we have filled out or yet to have filled out? No. Is it the strong desire that Kelly and I have for children? No, but that does help. No it is something much more primal, much more definitive that is driving my assurance of being a father. Kelly and I just purchased a VAN!

Most men shy away from this foreboding omen of the chaos to come, yet I am staring into the storm with a smile on my face reminiscent of Bruce Campbell.

"I will be a dad and you cannot intimidate me!" I say to the van and the storm, "Though you steal my coolness, though you break my lead footed, sports car dreams, and though you lure me in with your promises of leather seats, top of the line stereo, and child distracting DVD dreams, I will prevail. I will garner the much anticipated title of DAD!!!! You will not win in the end!"

I know this is overly dramatic, but well....

I will proudly step into this van if only to have the possibility of family road trips, slobbery kisses and drinking coffee from the much earned, "Greatest Dad in the World" mug.

Kelly and I are very thankful for all of your prayers and support of this endeavor. We are in the midst of planning for a concert benefit thingy and we will be inviting all of you to come and celebrate this process with us.

A few bits of housekeeping to pass on to you. Thank you for those that have decided to help in supporting us in our adoption. You need to know that we greatly appreciate it and know that we cannot do this with out you. If you are thinking about supporting us we have a few things to let you know. This is not a ministry or nonprofit so you will not be able to claim it on your taxes. If you are looking at whether you should tithe or give to our effort, I want to say emphatically TITHE!. That is God's money and we do not want it, God will provide. If you have given your tithe and you are looking to give an offering to a ministry like helping Luke Valenti in Albania or Matt & Sarah as they go to Nicaragua or helping with our adoption. I would say choose the missions first. Now if you have done all that and still feel strongly that you are to help the Walker''s to save a life, than we will gladly take you up on your offer!

We have the donate button in the upper right to help expedite your support, but if PayPal and electronic donations are not your thing, than you can go into any US Bank and ask to donate to "The Walker Adoption" or under Kelly Walker and they can help you get your funds to the right place. We have asked a trusted friend to be the administrator for the account so that what ever goes into the account will be used for the adoption process so that everything is above board.

We are finished with our initial paperwork and it is amazing how the paperwork keeps multiplying! Next we are going to our adoption class the 19th and 20th. This was a surprise. We got a call that we had the choice of this class or the next one FOUR MONTHS AWAY! We chose this one for the obvious reason that we are not wanting to wait that long! Being that the class is taking place on a Sunday and that is my biggest work day, I had to find someone to fill in at short notice. Thankfully a great friend was available to jump in so Kelly and I could run to Portland! Thank you again Rhonda!

Thank you God for your blessings and this new stage in our life. Thank you Jesus also for great friends that have been encouraging this journey! Amen!

P.S. Yes I will tame the van with a branding of our own bumper stickers!!!

Jeremy

Time to wait

Who knew there was a right way and a wrong way to wait?
I didn't. I thought if you were waiting then you were, well, just waiting.
But I learned something pretty cool tonight, so I thought I would share.

In Isaiah 40:31 it says: "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

In Beth Moore's bible study on Esther, she points out that there is more than one way to wait. If we are waiting on something, or someone, or some event, then waiting can be exhausting. It can be painful. It can wear you out.

But if we wait the way we are supposed to wait...on the Lord, then we are renewed, strengthened, and transformed!

So thinking about that in context with this whole adoption thing really made me pause. I mean we have been waiting a loooooooonnnnnnngggggg time. But have I been waiting the right way?

I definitely have those times where I am impatient for this to just be over and to have children. I want to skip straight to the end and be done with it all. I don't want to have to fill out ANY more paperwork, questionnaires, or informational packets. Just give me my baby, thank you very much.
But there have also been those times of self-discovery in this process. Times of examining my heart and motives, my priorities and my beliefs. Those times have been extraordinary.

I have heard so many times by well-meaning people that it "may just not be God's timing yet" for us to have kids. Well let me tell you that my response to that phrase has not always been kind. Why is God having me wait? What did I do to have to wait while everyone around me is having kids? Why?

So back to Isaiah. If I choose to wait upon the Lord, not upon the arrival of our baby, then I will be strengthened as I wait. Its a choice I have to make. I can be frustrated and outraged that I have to wait. I can complain and pout as I am waiting.

OR....

or I can enjoy this time I have been given with my husband. Enjoy traveling at a moments notice. Enjoy doing what I want to do when I want to do it. If I choose to trust and WAIT on the Lord, I guess that means I won't be too exhausted when He finally does give us our baby. He wants me to be rested and ready to welcome the chaos that will come with this new addition. He doesn't want me so tired from waiting that I miss out on all He has for me.

So I choose to wait.
I choose to wait with a smile on my face.

And I guess with all this waiting, it gives me more time to eat my vegetables too!

Blessings- Kelly